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Dog Humor

Canine Humor

A German shepherd went to a Western Union office, took out a blank form and wrote, "Woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof." The clerk examined the paper and told the dog, "There are only nine words here," he said. "You could send another 'woof' for the same price." "But," the dog replied, "that would be silly."

According to the January issue of Smithsonian magazine, a Beatrice, Nebraska, man left his pet bulldog in the car for a few minutes at a gas station. When the man tried to get back in, he found that the dog, perhaps peeved over some slight, had locked all the doors.

In a two-day period in New York City recently, a homeless man, a train maintenance worker, and a dog were killed on the subway tracks. Ninety people telephoned the Transit Authority to express concern about the dog, but only three called about the worker, and no one about the homeless man.

A father gave his teenage daughter an untrained pedigreed pup for her birthday. An hour later, when wandered through the house, he found her looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen. "My pup," she murmured sadly, "runneth over."

I turned on my lawn sprinkler as my dog was crossing the yard. He thought it was the hydrant getting even with him.

A young boy and his mother were walking down the road. She says to him, "Look Jim, that's a puddle of H2O." The boy replies, "No mummy, that's a puddle of K9P!"

Some veterinarians are prescribing Prozac for dogs. Animal rights activists are thrilled. Things have finally come full circle. Finally, a drug for animals that has been tested on humans first.

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

A talent scout is walking down the street and comes across a man and his dog. The little dog is singing. He has a lovely voice and the talent scout says, "Come to my office. I want to sign you and this marvelous dog to a contract. This dog can make us both rich." The man brings his little dog to the talent scouts office. The little dog is just about to finish singing "La Donna E' Mobile" (and sounding like Luciano Pavarotti), when a large dog runs into the room and grabs him by the scruff of the neck. She runs away with him in her mouth. The talent scout yells, "Stop her. She's taking away our fortune!" The man replies, sadly, "It's no use. That's his mother. She doesn't want him to be an entertainer. She wants him to be a doctor."


WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS?...

Pointer + Setter =
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier =
Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso =
Peekasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel =
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever =
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound =
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

Terrier + Bulldog =
Terribull, a dog prone to awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador =
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly

Malamute + Pointer =
Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway

Collie + Malamute =
Commute, a dog that travels to work

Deerhound + Terrier =
Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

 

SHORTIES

How do you catch a runaway dog?
Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone!

What dog loves to take bubble baths?
A shampoodle!

What kind of dog does a vampire prefer?
Any kind of bloodhound!

What dogs are best for sending telegrams?
Wire haired terrier!!

What do you call a happy Lassie?
A jolly collie!

What do you call a nutty dog in Australia?
A dingo-ling!

What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?
A bud hound!

Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?
Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw!

What is the dogs favourite city?
New Yorkie!

Who is the dogs favourite comedian?
Growlcho Marx!



 

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